Waiting...

The very word used to make me anxious inside. I concede that much of this might have been due to the fact that I was raised in a culture where every measure is taken so that people have to wait as little as possible. I also think the lure and expectation of fast-paced thinking and existing was very strong for me as I grew up in the states. I still derive great satisfaction from accomplishing numerous tasks in one day and everyone knows that you can't get much done unless you "get going!" right? I also tend to be the pusher in our family.."Come on. Let's hurry and eat breakfast." "Come on. We're going to be late." "Let's go! Get yourself buckled." (Although as my parents could tell you they had much trouble getting me to leave anywhere when I was a teenager!) However, this practice of waiting is an area that the Lord continues to gently nudge me towards. Ultimately, it is about waiting on Him. I find, however, that if I am not in the practice of waiting on anything or anyone else around me, I have an almost impossible task of waiting on Him to sense His leading or hear His voice.

I've been making a conscious effort lately to patiently wait and give my children time to do what I've asked, or to wait expectantly (and silently!) while they get out what they're trying to say. In practicing this, I've realized that this "waiting" state of mind is one that only the Lord can foster. He's made my circumstances such over the past 7 months that I am physically "still" a lot. I'm home a lot. I'm listening a lot. I don't have nearly as many people to talk to or nearly as much to keep me "busy busy" as I have in the past. I have 4 small children to listen to and care for and a husband who comes home every day with great stories of what went on in the village. About every week or so I get teary inside and long to be back out in the villages at least once a week where I feel like I'm myself, talking and interacting and influencing. As Caleb gets bigger and we find room in our family schedule for me to be out and about in the villages again I am hoping this will come to pass, but I am content and thankful that the Lord is using this time to teach me how to wait on circumstances and people around me.

In this practice of waiting with surrendered heart, I am ultimately learning a little better how to wait on Him and listen to Him. I've found in recent months that hearing Him often takes a lot of waiting and sometimes His answer is in the waiting itself. I've also learned to listen to my husband for the Lord's answers and leading and know that God's answers are often revealed through wisdom He has given David. Having a husband who is a little more prone to waiting and watching has been a gracious gift in helping me to hear God through David's waiting.

I have found that because I am waiting before Him, I have more of a hunger for His Spirit to work powerfully through me. I have more of a desire to abide in His love and let it pour through me to others. I have more of a yearning to see Him do great things in His kingdom. I find myself recognizing Him in places and in people that I've missed before and I'm thrilled! Lord, if you want to "keep me waiting" I am overjoyed to sit and wait, contrary to the direction my flesh pulls. I'm looking for you and wanting you and my heart cries out with Isaiah "Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down, that the mountains would tremble before you! As when fire sets twigs ablaze and causes water to boil, come down to make your name known to your enemies and cause the nations to quake before you! For when you did awesome things that we did not expect, you came down, and the mountains trembled before you. Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him." (64:1-4) I want to wait for the Lord with surrendered heart and witness His glory among the nations as He is victorious over all of the schemes of the evil one and redeems people from sin! As I wait, I'm beginning to see in a fresh way what really matters...